Mallory Hates Boys (and Gym), #59

So, raise your hand if you liked gym in middle school. Anyone...anyone? Actually, I didn't mind gym, I was just athletic enough to get by, never picked last or teased for my skills (or lack thereof...). Plus, doesn't that cover shot bring back memories of middle school gym clothes? We didn't have school-provided uniforms, had to provide our own clothes, and Umbros seemed to be the most popular selection. I do feel sorry for that one dude on the cover with the unnaturally short shorts there, why aren't his buddies laughing at him? Seriously.

So, Mallory is over at the Hobart house (which used to be Mary Anne's house) "studying" with Ben (oh, who am I kidding, Mallory is 11 and Miss Prude, so I'm sure they were actually doing homework). Anyway, Ben mentions that he heard a rumor that the gym class is about to switch activities from field hockey to volleyball. Mal cringes, because she hates volleyball, but hopes that the rumor is just that, a rumor. Plus, Ben mentions that in Australia, his motherland, that they only had gym once a week. Really? I just find that really hard to believe, we had gym every day through 9th grade, then it became an elective. Just can't see another country, especially one like Australia, only having physical education once a week. Good one, AMM.

However, it's getting close to 5:30, so Mallory rushes across the street to Claudia's for the BSC meeting, where nothing of major note happens, except that Logan is randomly in attendance today. However, when we get to our intros for each BSC member, Mallory provides this nugget on Claudia, "I can't believe the word she spells wrong! Honestly, half the time I think she's kidding. But she swears she's not." I might have snorted out loud when I read that (is that redundant? Can you silently snort? Mull it over...).

The next day at school, Mallory's worst nightmares come true - not only is gym switching from field hockey to volleyball, but they are also making the volleyball coed. Apparently field hockey, and every other activity so far, has been divided boy-girl. Mallory is literally terrified of playing with boys (Kenny Loggins + volleyball = awesomesauce. To be fair, none of the 6th grade boys looked like that. Ok, back on track, now). Plus, Mal is disgusted when she finds out that they have to wear those ratty pinnies over their gym uniforms. Oh, gym pinnies, that is a smell that I don't ever want to relive. So the games begin, and the boys serving on the other team quickly realize that Mallory sucks at volleyball. So, naturally, the other team's strategy is to keep serving to Mallory.

Of course, Mallory's teammates start giving her snide remarks, and the opposing team continues to heckle her. The teacher, Coach Walden, does nothing to stop the jeering. Mallory gets so upset and flustered that a serve hits her right in the face. As she starts crying, Coach Walden yells at her for daydreaming during the game. Mallory shows a little spine and yells back at the coach, which causes Mallory to be benched the rest of the game. Now I find the whole coach-ignoring-the-bullying thing a little hard to believe here, not because that doesn't ever happen, but because the whole point of this is to have everybody learn volleyball, and you've got one whole team basically doing nothing. Plus, would a teacher just blame someone for getting hit in the face like that? And even if they did, I would think they would bench the student for safety's sake the rest of the game, and not just tell the 11 year old girl to "man up and pay attention." Maybe AMM had a bad gym experience as a child...

After that horrible first day, Mallory comes up with a plan - she is going to bench herself for every game until they switch to another sport. Of course, Coach Walden is not happy, and tells Mallory that she will get detention every time she does this. As a group of boys walk by and taunt Mallory, she decides that this is a consequence she is willing to take. Ben, who has gym a different period than Mal, tries to dissuade her that afternoon from doing this by telling her that she will fail gym, but Mallory's mind is set. She willingly goes to detention every day, and then rushes home to get the mail before her parents can see the detention notices mailed out by the school. Such a deviant, Mal.

Meanwhile, in BSC-land, the girls start to notice that some of their regular, well-behaved clients, namely Jamie Newton, the Rodowsky boys, Hunter Bruno, and Squirt (Jessi's little brother), are suddenly acting up and causing mayhem. As they continue to compare notes on recent sitting jobs, Mallory realizes the common denominator in all of this ruckus at school and in the club is boys. The boys at school are jerks, the boys they sit for are jerks-in-training. She points this out to the club, and everyone looks at her like "oh sweetie, bless your heart." Stacey mentions all the boys who have been behaving, and starts throwing some statistical analysis at her, and Mary Anne brings up Ben and Logan as examples of fine, upstanding youths. Mallory then says that Ben and Logan are nice because they are not from Stoneybrook, so they haven't been tainted. Oh, the logic of an 11 year old...

Back at SMS, Coach Walden realizes that detentions are not working for Mallory, so after telling her that "life eats up quitters," (that sounds like a motivational poster at Globo Gym, doesn't it?) she makes Mallory wash the pinnies after school as punishment. When she gets home from school that day, the mailbox is empty. Yep, Mrs. Pike finally got the mail and confronts Mallory. She promptly bursts into tears, and after sobbing out her story, Mrs. Pike tells Mallory that she needs to try again, plus go talk to her coach to see if she can get extra help. Coach Walden refuses to give Mallory extra help, but does say that as long as Mallory tries to play, she will make the boys lay off of her (because apparently that wasn't logical enough to think of the first day, way to go, Coach). Mallory soldiers through the rest of the term, then, mercifully, they switch to archery (by the way, I have fond memories of archery in middle school, at the end of the week Coach Schmidtke, maker of the famous Schmidtke juice, would bring out deer targets for us to shoot. Gotta love school in the South...). Mallory turns out to be a natural at archery, hits the bullseye on her second try, and Coach Walden encourages her to try out for the archery team (what the..? Does any middle school have an archery team?). Mallory makes the team, and Katniss Pike is born.

Fashion: Catching Fire!!!

What Claudia Wore: "Claudia was wearing a pair of soft, balloony, purple pants; a neon green long-sleeve leotard top; a wide, red braided belt; and a pair of soft, red ballet shoes. Her hair was swept into a French braid with wispy tendrils hanging loose. From one ear dangled a long earring made of small papier-mache tropical fruit. In the other ear, where she had two holes, Claudia wore two small papier-mache hoops."

What Dawn wore: "For example, today she was wearing black stirrup pants, a long, fleecy red-and-pink rose-print top, and black high top sneakers. She has two holes pierced in each ear. In those she wore four matching sparkly rose earrings."

What Mallory wore: "It was a one piece denim jumpsuit. I think it's "too high-style" for me." You're probably right, Mallory.